I have been in conversations about a repeating subject this fall. It’s with people I know and people I randomly meet when I’m going out to work somewhere. I easily connect with new people. But sometimes it seems like a weird synchronicity. And the subject that has been coming up is this: What to do when you feel stuck in life and which choices to make.
Read this with an open mind
I don't say this because I’m about to present a weird load of magical, metaphysical or spiritual concepts. I am mentioning this because you might need to figure one thing out first. One thing that a lot of people find provoking.
Pissed off now? Yes, no? Many people I talk to usually lose their interest in the conversation very fast when I state this. Those that keep listening without being grumpy like a kid are the ones that in fact are open enough to understand this thought, and what it might imply.
Let’s continue, so I can clarify my thoughts and ideas on this shocking remark for you.
There is a key to these questions. And they are there to get you to think a little. Unless you don't want to, which is a choice.
There is always a choice. Unless you have chosen that there is no choice. Well, there is anyway still a choice, you just don't accept it. Not choosing to feel better than actually choosing something that unstuck you sometimes.
Beautiful summer day. Birds are singing in perfect harmony and the smell of fresh flowers are in the air. Suddenly you crap your pants! (For whatever stupid reason) Ok, shit. What do you do? Now, as an example…
You probably wouldn’t move slowly over the nearest cafe, sit down for an aromatic espresso and think about it for a while, yes? Or in worst case scenario, I would say: Just let it be and hope that it all will just go over soon. No, I don't think so. Because this is a really fucked up, urgent and crappy life situation! And you want to take immediate action to handle the unpleasant state of being.
So, this is a situation where you actually would act, handle the situation and take action. Why? Because this situation is so unpleasant and the scenes playing out in your life are just unbearable. Now whatever the reason that you didn’t handle the situation before you crapped your pants is something I won’t speculate in.
Okay. Let us not forget that this very situation could, in fact, arise without you EXPECTING it. I mean, shit happens in life. Maybe you ate something, and it all just came out.
Enough crap-talk. But you know what I’m speaking about. We are living a life here, and stuff happens. So for whatever reason the situation came up, it’s about figuring things out and do something. Don’t just stand there. Unless you choose to.
We do understand that different situations in life can be paralyzing. But usually for a shorter period of time. This is our response system kicking in. When this settles, we are getting our clarity back and become able to make a more rational decision again. But then, there are those that in fact have become clear enough on a conscious level to choose differently, but still decide to stay in the same situation for a long time. Then it becomes a choice.
I do indeed understand that feeling stuck in life is a real thing. But I don't buy into the belief that there is nothing to be done. People saying, “I’m stuck with this, and there is really not much I can do….” is openly lying to themselves. It’s like they take a convenience pill to be released from the responsibility of their self.
So a fool-your-self pill is not a method to go for.
Okay, let’s look at some ideas and thoughts on what we actually can do to figure things out for our self. Sometimes it can help to do this together with someone else in a conversation. A friend. Or maybe even outside of the family. Or a complete stranger who doesn’t know you. They can surprise you sometimes if you just let them in on you.
I will pour out some suggestions I would use with you if we had our coaching conversation.
My last tip, preferably after you have worked with the above 5 tips, is to go through some methods to figure out your true core values, skills, and qualities. This one is both VERY important, valuable and fun. Shit, these methods are not even part of the conventional education system!
Well, I wanted to make a little workbook to help people.
Because I have had this subject coming up so many times. My 17 years as a Taekwon-Do trainer made me early to discover how normal this situation is. Not knowing how to find the way.
To make people get surprised, discover and make better choices, I created a guiding workbook with 22 questions to get them thinking. I’m giving it away to all my subscribers.
Why am I not just linking up this workbook here?
Because I want to include you in my list so you can get reminders and reinforce positive changes. The choice is to sign up to my email list so that I can send you the workbook + other methods and tools to change and upgrade your life. You will have reminders coming to you, giving you less risk of staying in a loop.
Regarding figuring life out, you have a choice. If you feel stuck, you have a choice to figure things out.
Decide that you WANT to, first of all. That's when the magic happens. Then, just start talking to someone you trust. Read books. Search the web oracle. Google.
Being stuck in life situations and decisions is very okay. And it’s very normal. When people say, “But I don't know what I want. There are so many things I would like”…
I have heard that one many times. For some people, they almost end up running screaming out into the night because they just can’t make up their mind. And they get this “stuck-feeling”. This is normal too. Just don't decide to end it there and not try to figure it out.
Of course, there are many things we would like to do in life. Some stuff would be nice, some other things would be just awesome, and some other things would be necessary. The last one seems to be the most important one. Because it's like if you don't do it, there will be this sensation or intuitive feeling that something is missing. And you never get to work on and live the life that really completes you.
If you did, you wouldn’t feel stuck, right?
I believe there are a very FEW core values that stand out and are connected to what you should be doing in life. And when I say, “should”, I mean that it will probably be THE thing that will make you feel the most fulfilled and happy. And end the burden of not knowing your life mission or having to decide.
So when you have spent time (with the 22 Questions guide-book for example) discovering some surprising facts that point out the more important details about you, a list can be made.
Put the most important values and skills on the top. What comes next is, in fact, something you will have to have as second choices. And some things will actually be some things you would have to put off. Why?
Well, it’s simply about time. How many hours in a day do you have?
One last thing I wanted to mention. Because of the expectations from your society, family, friends, educations system and other things, you may believe that you should do something else with your life right now. Something more useful.
But maybe not. Do you think that you might be doing just fine? Maybe you are happy with the station you are in now. And the “stuck” feeling is based on something totally different than yourself.
There is nothing you “must” do on this planet. You are not here to please anybody. Not even your mother. Or God. Yeah, many religions still make you believe that. Sorry if you have been part of that story. But if your God needs something special from you to be happy, reconsider that tale and educate yourself.
Don't stress. You’re doing very fine. Be mindful about your upcoming choices, and things will loosen up.
From this very moment, what will you decide? Right NOW.
Just some thoughts.