You’ve probably had periods where everything is a struggle. You have goals, dreams and a grand plan for what you want to build — and all of it goes straight to hell. Years ago that gave me a genuinely nasty mindset. But sometimes the power of your higher self has a plan that overrules the goals you set for yourself.
I used to think I’m not meant to succeed — why does this keep happening to me? So I went and educated myself. Now I understand that there’s sometimes a higher agenda I shouldn’t be fighting.
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Where I come from helps me know why I’m here
Let’s just say I’m an observer of the play being acted out on this planet. I come from a different “space”, and I broadly think humans are mad. As I said in why am I changing, I know I’m here for a reason — including all the mess that happened when I was a kid.
As time goes on I meet more people like me. We seem to be clustering together, finding each other on the same plane.
And over the last few years I’ve needed to put distance between myself and a lot of things — people, places, the daily rituals society runs on. Bad food, insane entertainment, poor habits, and small talk that does nothing but consume the afternoon.
I don’t connect with the norms, or with the mediocrity and the low expectations. Being that kind of outsider is what pulled me, years ago, toward the what, why and how of our existence here. A gravitational drag toward metaphysical and esoteric knowledge.
That research educated me at a level I could actually recognise. And it felt less like learning and more like remembering.
Most people never get to the deeper, stranger material — the insights that would genuinely empower their own lives and clear the fog.
So they live by default and push on. And pushing creates resistance.
When progress starts producing resistance, rethink
Whether you’re living by default or working to a defined plan, you can absolutely progress and be in flow. With the right mindset you usually will be — and the right attitude to small setbacks keeps them small.
But there are stretches, and I’m sure you’ve had them, where nothing works. Not in a specific goal, sometimes not in life generally.
When the same struggle keeps reappearing, something is energetically out of alignment. It’s like driving a smooth road and then going over the edge — suddenly everything is rough and bone-shaking and you can’t see why.
I mean the big things: a job, a choice of education, a partnership with someone you love, a project you’ve poured yourself into.
And sometimes the little earthlings know full well they’re off-road and still won’t steer back. Either it’s too painful or too frightening.
There may be a higher agenda — and you may have set it
When something refuses to work over a long stretch, after restarting and trying again and grinding at it, it’s worth considering that it isn’t meant to.
You’ve lived before. And you set a plan before respawning.
You were always going to live again. You’ve had several lives and you’ll have more, because you’ll always exist in some form.
If that’s new to you, I know how it sounds. Reincarnation isn’t the common understanding in much of the world — religion taught you something else.
To me it’s ordinary. Having lived before is exactly why this feels like remembering rather than learning.
I won’t lay out the whole process here, but one detail worth sitting with:
You chose this life for a reason. You even chose your parents for a reason — however insane that sounds if yours were terrible. You made that choice. So why did you choose them?
I’m settled in the belief that our lives play out with a purpose. There’s no mistake in the perfection of the Universe, even when the experience of it is dreadful. For some people the red thread through the years is obvious. For others it takes decades before the revelation arrives.
It ended, and I knew it was part of the plan
Finding a relationship was always a hopeless project for me. Girls weren’t hard to find. Someone worth investing in was like looking for a diamond in a forest.
Then I found her. The most charismatic, energy-matching person I’d met. My second real relationship.
We had a genuine connection — intuitive, at times almost telepathic. A beautiful face, a loving energy, an intelligent mind.
Then she went away on a trip, and I never saw her again. Family circumstances kept her there, and what was supposed to be a few weeks turned into her not coming back at all. Watching that happen from the other side of the world, unable to do anything about it, was its own kind of hell.
Something in me died. It went down like a plane crash, and I’ve missed her since.
On a call one winter day she told me the trip home wasn’t going to happen. It was over. I cried like a child.
And then, straight after the call, I remembered a handful of moments from our time together. And I knew: this was part of the plan. We were always going to separate at some point. At least for a while.
When life decides for you and you feel lost
If I hadn’t had some understanding of my own life’s agenda, being left alone like that again would have gone much worse than it did. It was dreadful as it was.
So if you’re in the middle of a sudden change you didn’t ask for and don’t agree with, here’s what I’d say.
You were born into a physical body on a 3D planet, temporarily cut off from remembering your true self and your own plan. You are not only your body and your brain.
Before you arrived you most likely had a bigger picture and a purpose for this life — which includes orchestrating large events that will be experienced as both terrible and wonderful.
Someone dies. Someone leaves. Something is taken from you. It can be part of a plan.
One distinction matters more than anything else here, and I want to be exact about it. Agreeing to the shape of a life before you arrive is not the same as deserving what happens inside it. This is a frame for making sense of things afterwards and finding your way forward — it is not a licence to tell yourself, or anyone else, that they had it coming. If something was done to you, it was still done to you. Nobody gets to hand you that bill.
What it does buy you is the useful question. Not why me, which has no answer you can use — but what now, which does. Don’t stay angry at the universe, or God, or some malevolent entity you’ve invented to hold it.
Reset. Rethink. Replan.
And if a thing has fought you at every step for years, consider that it isn’t your failure. It may simply not be yours to have.
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